I always wish that everyone could see or feel what I do. But I know that the things that I hear, and feel are not something that this world can comprehend. Detail is not something I can even get into, I guess I am human, but sometimes do not feel like it. I feel like something more, no, something else. Why can I not seem to shake the feeling that I am not supposed to be here, yes, I can get lost in things that just occupy my mind, which seems to be the way I have to keep it to stay sane....... I'm not insane. at least that is what I tell myself daily. My whole life I have felt that I was sick and broken, and now that i've grown up It has only been twisted because I actually have to deal with "Life"..... Welcome home, i guess......

I have noticed many things in this strange life. some things are easier to recognize, and understand than others. I have recently gone through a better understanding of problems in life, and in balancing what you need with what you want. I have friends that will have sex all they want, and get so caught up in the social trend of it, that they never stop to think about anything else but the moment. I have friends that do the same thing with a variety of things in this world;  Alcohol, drugs, food, anger, money, glamor, and even gossiping and passing judgment quickly. I myself am not immune in the least to a number of things such as these. The understanding comes from recognizing what you are doing, why you are doing it,  whether it is good or not, and whether it is excessive.
   I know an amazing person who thinks of herself less than she should, I can look at her when she is doing something that she inherently enjoys (such as eating), and is immediately angered, or worried about what I think of her eating. I do not know whether it is because of what she is eating, or how much, but the simple fact is she has not found the moderation in comfort of herself that she needs. This is no easy task, she is a very beautiful and intelligent woman, who has a body type that is not necessarily like most of the girls she is around including family. I think she knows that she is physically attractive though she does not act like it. There is no way it seems to convince her of the fact that she is extremely attractive, and what I think or KNOW seems to have no effect at all.
   There needs to be a balance food is another large thing, I see it as a scape-goat for an addiction outlet. because food is something that we need as a means of existing, it is easy to look over it as a potential addiction. I just don't feel as much pity for those who are affected by this addiction as I should and I know I need to work on that. But it is almost impossible to help some people, and most of the time I find that people don't want help until it is so far into their addiction that they just hate living the way they are and there is almost no way to turn back, even with surgery. No one wants to equate this to heroine, but it is the same concept, maybe a different effect, and a slower working addiction which by all means could make it even worse on some levels.
      All I know is that there are people and things in this world that could be so much better if we could all only overcome ourselves in a sense, and look towards a greater existence. "Night Night Pretty Baby. And just before she hangs her head to cry, I sing to her a lullaby,. I sing, Everything is gonna be all right, rockabye, rockabye."